Baby boomers must stop making happiness the goal

Studies show that younger baby boomers consistently report the lowest levels of happiness with surprisingly high rates of depression.

I write a blog based on the premise that these studies describing baby boomers as the generation living in doom and gloom do not have to be self-fulfilling prophecies. Rather than letting these happiness studies drive us desperate during the 50s and 60s, I focus on the ways we can find happiness during these sometimes difficult years.

But can you try too hard to be happy? Should you make happiness a goal? Do you feel that the more you strive for happiness, the more you seem to avoid it? Does the media make you feel that happiness is like a button that you push for instant happiness?

These may seem like weird questions coming from a blogger writing about finding your happiness.

However, a recent study showed that those who made happiness a goal reported 50 percent fewer frequent positive emotions, 35 percent fewer life satisfaction, and 75 percent more depressive symptoms.

Maybe that’s why I’ve noticed that lately happiness is not as fashionable as it used to be. A few years ago, the science of happiness appeared on the covers of Time and Oprah magazines. Articles and quotes about happiness saturated the Internet. The fight for happiness resulted in a whole industry of life coaches, motivational speakers, psychotherapists, and yes, happiness blogs like mine.

But are you getting tired of pretending to be happy all the time? Are you sick of the media telling us to have a positive attitude no matter what is happening in your life?

Jimmie Holland, MD, a psychiatrist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in New York, coined the term “the tyranny of positive thinking.”

Sometimes it can seem like baby boomers are being bullied into thinking that if we don’t wake up every morning with an instant perpetual smile on our face, something is wrong with us.

Social networks have not helped. When I described some of the trials I’ve faced over the years, a friend told me, “I never would have guessed. You look so happy in your Facebook photos.” Yes, I guess I’ve fallen into that trap of only posting photos that seem to be having the time of my life, all the time. Of course not, but this is the fictional world we all live in with social media.

Commercials also make us feel that happiness is a right. An instant barrel feeling that can be bought with that new sports car or a new pair of shoes.

The truth is that everyone has problems. Nobody is happy all the time. It’s like that Regina Brett quote: “If we all dumped our problems in a pile and saw each other’s, we got the bear back.”

The fact is, most people have it worse than you despite the happy picture they’re painting on Facebook. So maybe it’s time for baby boomers to stop comparing our “happiness” to anyone else’s. Let’s stop making “living happily ever after” some kind of prize that we all want to achieve.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE SOMETIMES NORMAL

I was reading an interesting article, The Happiness Fallacy, about Spike. The article pointed to a study by health insurers Aviva, which showed that a quarter of adults in the UK suffer from stress, anxiety or depression and do not seek help because they feel embarrassed by their “mental health conditions” .

“How strange it is that such normal and timeless human emotions as stress, anxiety and depression are now placed in the category of mental health problems,” writes columnist Patrick West. “Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, clinical depression that leaves people unable to get out of bed for days – these are conditions that fall into the category of mental illness.”

He has a point. West argues that it is natural to worry or feel depressed from time to time. These are normal human emotions that have somehow become pathologized.

Suddenly negative feelings are considered some kind of disease or aberration, something that must be cured immediately. That becomes obvious with all the variety of “happy pills” that the pharmaceutical industry distributes as PEZ Candy. I mean, how did our parents and grandparents survive without prescriptions like Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac, Valium, and Ambien?

YOU ARE GOOD AS YOU ARE

The Lancet, a prestigious medical journal, published a study of 700,000 middle-aged women showing that there may not be a link between happiness and health, as other studies have claimed in the past.

Even more interesting than the results were people’s reactions, grumpy people jumped for joy as they no longer had to put up with claims that their bad attitude was endangering their health. Others were irritated to discover that all their efforts to be happier might not result in good health and longer lives as they thought.

But this is the question. The kind of giddy happiness we’ve all come to expect is not the norm. Life can be a struggle at times, full of disappointments, failures, and challenges.

Many people who make happiness their goal are trying to avoid uncomfortable negative feelings that come with the normal ups and downs of life. We can not be happy all the time. Baby boomers are old and wise enough to know that happiness can be fleeting and fickle.

Everyone has those heartbreaking moments where it’s impossible to be a Pollyanna. For example, a couple of years ago I wasn’t jumping for joy as I watched my mom die after suffering from a horrible illness. When I started writing, I wasn’t exactly exhilarated when stacks of rejection letters filled my mailbox. Or ecstatic when the people I loved betrayed me. You understand my drift.

Should we try to aspire to a positive attitude? Definitely. Will we always succeed? Not.

Iris Mauss’s groundbreaking work supported the idea that striving for happiness can actually do more harm than good. “When people want to be happy, they set higher standards by which they are more likely to fall short,” he said. “This, in turn, can lead to increased discontent and, in turn, lower levels of happiness and well-being.”

Mauss explained that he is not saying, “Don’t try to be happy.” If you give people the right tools, they can increase their happiness and well-being, he notes. It’s an exaggerated focus on happiness that can have drawbacks.

No matter where you are on the spectrum of happiness, which is partly down to your genes, self-acceptance is key.

Let’s face it, I’m never going to be dizzy and giggling, but that’s okay. If you’re like me, a bit on the serious side, you can take comfort in studies showing that too much joy can make you gullible, selfish, and less successful. A little bit of unhappiness, in fact, can inspire us to make the necessary changes in life.

HAPPINESS SHOULD NOT BE A GOAL

“Happiness is not a goal … it is a by-product of a life well lived,” said the famous Eleanor Roosevelt.

So, let’s make happiness the goal. Instead, aim for accomplishment. Strive for satisfaction. Set your sights on inspiration and adventure. Look for the purpose and meaning of life.

If baby boomers make those their goals, they are more likely to feel the joy and happiness that they have been seeking all along without even trying.