I want to sit at the feet of Jesus, but who will take the children to soccer?

One of my favorite authors, Jerry Bridges, describes a common illness among us evangelical Christians as “Quiet Time Guilt.” (Don’t let the APA find out, they will market a new psychotropic drug to cure you.) In “The Discipline of Grace,” Bridges writes: “We have come to believe that God’s blessing on our lives is somehow conditional on our spiritual performance.” We have been conditioned to set aside time for regular Bible reading and prayer, and we want to do this: this is how we come to know God better.

The problem arises when we relax, are busy or, for some reason, simply whose has to. Forgetting that our relationship with the Father is irrevocable and depends on its fidelity, instead of our own, we feel guilt and anxiety for not keeping our end of the bargain.

I like the idea of ​​giving God the “first fruits” of my day. He seemed to do quite well in college as a new Christian; my first class wasn’t until 8:30 am. You get up, you take a shower; you hang out with God and go to class before gym practice. That is what a person does. Everything was so linear; so logical.

Then I got married, had a family, and life got more complicated.

A couple of years ago, I set a new personal record in the spiritual apathy department. I accepted a large Macedonian technical translation from a British agency. The unrealistic deadline made it necessary to outsource most of it and as a result I spent as much time proofreading and proofreading as I would have spent translating it myself. The agency kept submitting reviews to my reviews, questioning both legitimate changes and errors that I had missed. For eleven days, I slept an average of four hours a night while trying to fulfill his every whim.

My two-year-old son’s toilet training regressed; the preschooler sat in front of the TV all day; older children struggled with their homework without help; and burned several meals. My husband tried to help and insisted that I take a firmer stance with the client, but we ended up yelling at each other. I became a nervous wreck, finally succumbing to tears only when the agency stole my pay. Still carrying a full load of interpretation, driving home from an assignment one night, I suddenly realized that I was supposed to lead the Bible study the next day. “Oh shoot,” I thought. My Bible had been gathering dust, unopened, for two weeks straight. He had not prayed or reviewed the lesson for the week. “Good thing it’s Romans 9: Effective Elections and Calls. I can make it cold.”

That was the day I realized I had a time management problem, and it was quickly becoming a problem. spiritual trouble. The peace and the undercurrent of joy that marked my daily life were fading fast and I didn’t know what to do about it.

When you are a new parent, there is something inherently conducive to having a regular devotional time. You have an excuse ready for not going to work for a few months, and babies (although they have a disturbing habit of constantly waking you during the night) take regular naps. It’s calm. You have (some) time. Add to that that you are still enjoying the joy and wonder of God’s newest creation, and approaching Him in worship seems to flow naturally. Like many moms, I was drawn to regular devotional life after becoming a mother. Suddenly, spiritual matters seem to take on a new sense of urgency. Our most important job, as parents, is to educate our children to know and love God. To do this task justice, he knew that he had to be in prayer every day, not just in church on Sundays.

Then the children multiplied, got older, and my job description changed. It was no longer just about Pampers and bottles of formula.

Working hours increased. Washing clothes became a daily chore, where it used to be weekly. Talking to God was replaced by writing about Him. Of course, being the queen of rationalization, I can justify anything. “The more I work, the more we can tithe to your Kingdom, Lord. Doing laundry and cooking are necessary parts of serving my family … Isn’t that what being a Proverbs 31 wife is all about? Besides, writing is my ministry. I’m using the gifts you gave me to edify people. “ (God loves it when you use spiritual language, you know?). “I want to sit at the feet of Jesus like Mary of Bethany did, but she had no children running.”

Fortunately, God was not buying my excuses. I had to admit that washing machines, microwaves, and Swifter WetJets (TM) did not exist in 1st century Judea, and somehow Martha and her sister did all the household chores while managing to feed a dozen men who did not call or send. text messages. ahead. The uncomfortable fact of the matter is that He gives us all the same 24 hours a day, and we spend time on what we really want. Susanna Wesley had 19 children, yet she communicated with God on a daily basis. She resorted to kneeling under the dining room table, with a towel as a head covering, to pray in peace. This was the children’s signal that Mom was not to be disturbed. Through their godly example and loving discipline, the Wesley children changed the world. Tenacity always pays off.

Years ago, I used to spend the quiet of the early morning to rest in the presence of God. Since the children didn’t have to get up for school until 7:00 a.m., if I had coffee at 5:30 a.m., I still had more than an hour to get my marching orders for the day. In fact, I was able to read a passage without being interrupted. I was calm, PBS had not yet interrupted my concentration with the bland laugh of a purple dinosaur, and I could give Jesus my full attention. Being aware of his love and presence made a definite difference in how I spent my day. (Believe me, I am not a nice person by nature. Any joy I may feel in me is everybody of the).

With the passage of time, this time it was moving. Reading Christian blogs replaced reading the Word. Responding to urgent emails displaced the sentence. Writing, translating and editing late into the night, after the kids go to bed, drives me to sleep until I really “have” to get up. Today, if I wake up at 5:30 am, it is only because a patient is scheduled for surgery at 7:30 and I need to be at the Mass Pike at 6:00. Somehow, I convinced myself, playing Matt Redman’s CDs in the car is a “quiet moment.”

So I have the nerve to be surprised when I feel anxious, unhappy, and disconnected from God. I miss you.

It’s a balance that every Christian mother I know tries to achieve: God gave us our husbands and children as a precious gift, and He expects us to invest our time, energy, and love first and foremost in our families. Since He told us to “pray without ceasing” (Luke 18: 1; Acts 1:14), triggering prayer while peeling potatoes or folding clothes is perfectly normal and part of life. I have discussed biblical solutions to dilemmas while ironing my husband’s shirts. However, the consistent and disciplined pattern of devotion illustrated throughout the Bible means straying from crazy schedules and diligently seeking God. Lasting spiritual growth only comes when we do it, although it seems more difficult during certain seasons of our life. I have also become unbalanced in the other direction; I remember several times, when my youngest son was a baby, and it bothered me that he would wake up and cry when I got up hoping that I could read a Psalm or two. Realizing that Jesus didn’t mind being interrupted by a child, I saw my need to be more flexible.

Recently, our pastor preached a compelling sermon on what it means to “abide in Christ” (John 15: 9-10). God’s blessing and sense of closeness in our lives is proportional to our obedience; therefore, if we walk in obedience to His Word and spend time in prayer, we are “abiding” in His love. Most of that “stay” (or “stay in [His] love, “as the NIV says), is our devotional life. Obedience that is motivated solely by duty, rather than love, will quickly lead to monotony. How can we cultivate love for God if we do not come to know Him? And how will we get to know Him outside of the Bible and conversing with Him? Scripture is His way of speaking to us, the only source of divine revelation.

In the midst of our demanding jobs, hectic soccer schedules, endless housework, and even ministry opportunities (which can be a tempting substitute for “closet prayer”), it is still possible to spend quality time with God. It may be necessary to give up other things, or even put some projects on hold for a while, but it pays off in the end. Just as you cannot pour from an empty cup, it is unrealistic to expect to be able to pour into other people’s lives unless you are fed and encouraged at the feet of the Master.