I can live and other poems
1
ALLERGIES
the barber sees
a potential customer
in me but it happened
the tense faces
after the long sun walk
fagot in the car
carnival shorts:
carefully hide the drying of faded vests
in the balcony
rampage
windy rain in the afternoon
allergies again
two
WHO CARES?
Death hides in the body
But who cares? it is dark
living on the edge
looking for space in the swamp
everyone talks about the sun
swelling in the sky
and close your eyes to the spider
rotating waves on the ceiling
alone, but who cares?
suspicion and distance
like lovers pretend
leave but stay longer
handing out luxuries
showing generosity
on the luxury table of the heart
waiting to welcome the guest
3
MIRAGE
They say my birth was a heavenly event:
here I am suffering villains of third
who build walls to stop cars
from Merkaba – angels are fuming but who cares
the sky is a mirage in the human zoo
4
NEW YEAR
The dates in the calendar question.
all my acts undone
And memories that haunt or fade
in the night nudity
stumbling into the morning sun
no celebration
to january 63 boos
my degenerate sex
a still itch: mantra and mirror
Quiet God and dry petals
5
BEAM OF LIGHT
End of August:
cloudy midnight, sneeze
restless in bed
all negative vibes
well above the mind
the jackals scream outside
I read Hsu Chicheng
by a ray of light
6
I CAN LIVE
I have survived
winter allergies
and depressing rains
in a human zoo
I can live
my retirement too
without pension and medicine:
the wheelchair is not scary
I can live
neglected and unknown
survive a broken home
the number of arms
the pain in the neck
and inflation too
7
I SEE HISTORY PARALYZED
The wrinkled fingers of time
trivialize sun and snow
on a crooked land
I see history paralyzed
with midnight dyspnea
the green umbrella
disaster host:
the avalanche waits on your shoulders
the wound opens
8
ALIVE OR DEAD
my shrunken body
even if i donate
what’s for research:
devil in the spine
abuse the language in the dream
bleeding anus of gold
defy all sentences
in bed or in the temple
the same heresy
oozing and stinking
onanist excursion
alive or dead
9
CLAY DREAMS
they make my face
ugly in my own sight
What am I going to see in the mirror?
there is no beauty
left gold holiness
in the naked nation:
the streams flow dark
and the door hinges groan
corruption policy
I cry for their names
and the faces they face
with mud dreams
10
SANGAM
the crack in the sky
it’s not the pink neckline
rape the body
not even the beast is free
to escape the bloody river
reflecting stony rage
in doggy position
everyone awaits their reward
to bury the noise
sunny fire wheel
in frozen passion
all become beggars
seek warmth with ash-stained sadhus
at the roadside tea stall
whistle and wash away sins
in confused sangam
With a privileged few they rise high
but i’m glad to crawl through the dirt
my roots do not wave in the air
eleven
WHY DO YOU QUESTION
If the hand can meet the hand
and hugging is not a sin
yes kisses lip to lip
golden hugs from cheek to cheek
it is not prohibited
why do they ask
meeting of thighs or breasts:
divine in action
It’s Spring; body love
desire to flourish with the soul
12
QUAIL DREAMS
I have lived 23000 days
waiting for a day that could become
god’s day in eden, earth or within
or even my grandson’s smile
on her first day in mom’s arms
now i feel like an empty boat
in a calm river
and tremble with quail dreams
13
HERE AND NOW
the body is beautiful
a vehicle to wake up
treat it with care, Buddha said
I love its stillness
beauty and holiness
here and now
immerse yourself in its calm
hear the whisper in everything
its ebbs and flows
erect, penetrate
the edge of life and loss
return to the whole
14
THEY ALSO KNOW
the flowers don’t bloom
in tribute to
builders’ apathy
the trees are dying:
they too know they will be shot down
or the heat will kill
the cement rises
calamity will also rise
none speak of the ruins they bring
fifteen
WEIRD
I don’t know where he lived
in my previous existence
but hell have i breathed
for three decades here
my soul did not fit:
I’m still a stranger
them and the cold walls
that blow out the candles
in my house without a roof
sixteen
INDIFFERENCE
being good
couldn’t let me know
something better
I was harmless
they sold my name
and it became
what i couldn’t
in the middle of the daylight
I faded like faces
of the voters list
no difference
who wins
or who loses
17
I ALSO DESCENT
Some cool bones and designer dress.
distorted hopes, cataract vision
almost nothing better the faces of the body
and if there is a soul, the soul hears
the map guides the midnight of the mind
but fate is different
disappointment is courage
they know the end of the journey
and get off when the train stops
I also descend
18
ECHOES HAUNT
sleepy roads
with or without light
rip the sky
I watch the murmur
in the misty dark
midnight tao
quiet empty:
breathing deceitful cold
the echoes haunt
19
EARTHQUAKES IN ELEMENTS
She trusts her reading of my horoscope.
and predicts a comfortable future
even as i know my toothache
now it means the fall of my teeth
and anal bleeding means safe surgery
my dying libido is so uncomfortable
like the dream of humans sleeping on the roof:
I am amused by her flattened and naked back
Who knows who will fall first?
before waking up I try to measure the selvedge
of restless lines, moon, saturn and venus
plotting new challenges
for the tremors in my elements
it’s already mid november
and the tips of bronchial allergy
talk about the cycle of incarceration
her moving lips are not soporific
twenty
DELICIOUS NUDE
The divine coiled
renew eternity
in the cells of the body
fueled by sensual sweetness
and the smallness of the moment
for years carnal reign
seemed the glow of the spirit
in the deep well
now suddenly the itch comes on
to heaven’s naked delight
twenty-one
LET’S STAY
Before the ripe bananas
let’s meet at least once
lest the fog extinguish the passion
let’s water our love
the sun is bright this morning
and the night promises
let’s meet and thaw winter
of years, drink a little wine
restore the warmth of faith and hope
and heal the gaps
without black glasses to see
let’s meet at least once
22
DRY VISION
crying eyes
with sparks and lightning
dry vision
caged existence
seek release
muttering old prayers
23
SPOT OF THE SEASON
unpruned roses
and unknown herbs
make me aware
of the void
the sunset sounds in your room
she search
his shadow in
the crescent moon
I feel the prick of the season
24
DEGENERATION
When the gods are out to teach me a lesson
Where to go to pray or find relief?
my prophet friends predict every day well
and the future fulfilled, palmists find
the sun, saturn, venus and hostile rahu:
they look for money for rituals, stones or mantras
while God gives us the best of life for free
I can’t change man or nature or karmas
now or tomorrow everyone gets excited
in the labyrinth of convenience and curse
stars, luck, destiny or life before and after
degenerating mind, body, thought and divinity
25
CRACKS
The cracks in the parapet
have been widened for the peepal
stay green for once
the rains also want us to get soaked
our heads and feel one
with fresh wind
in a dark corner
get rid of fears and enjoy love
26
BUGGING
Every night a challenge:
suffocating restlessness
noise of sleepless spirits
sexual starvation
anal menstruation
gloomy subconscious
conspire behind closed eyes
absent healing and
miracles of desire
the sun rises clueless
disturbing time and life
27
NEIGHBOUR
With outline mind
and cunning heart
loud and rebellious
a professional loser
perfume the room
with flattering lips
and a preacher goes astray
to the revolution
28
PARTY
Because I had no STD code to mark Heaven
I walked to hell measuring happiness
in lines buried in the palms and the shrunken head:
I couldn’t tell when love sifted and sank
like a vacation boat
29
YOU CAN’T SMELL ME
In the poems I write
You can read my mind
I even know when I’m blue
before the mirror
when i’m in the dark
you can’t smell me
Not even words will console
in cold december
when alone by candlelight
empty coffee cups
ridicule syllables
I go around doing haiku
my hair in the air
reveal baldness:
jerk off without a taco
30
I TALK ONLY IN BED
after a day of work
they lie in a heap of sand
on the basis of
a new shopping complex
slowly climbing to the side
like the waves on Nellore beach
that broke before cleaning
my name in the sand
I take a snap at sunset:
they play with plastic bottles in the water
or eat fried fish in the cabins
They warn me not to put it on Facebook.
she hates my face
I’m not even allowed to speak
to the collected junkie
from the front door steps
Varsha Apartments
his dad asks
if there is law in the country
only a stray dog wags its tail
Sibyl and I take a breath of seroflo
and i wonder if i should visit
Nimhans and get checked
to manage my dream
she asks why i think of bangalore
to treat all my food
and takes me to the bannerghatta zoo
for animal observation.