A good cry
At the end of a day full of clients, the trash can in my office is often full of used tissues. Richard, seeing this, usually comments; “Good morning, huh?” and we both laughed. He knows that when clients cry, they are usually making their way and healing something. I’ve been known for joking with clients that I’d like to create a “cry spa” – a beautiful resort with boxes of the best tissues everywhere, even towels, which are great for a good cry. We played sad and relaxing music, there would be big soft beds, beautiful chairs and soft sofas with cozy blankets and soft lighting. Large bathtubs, hot tubs, and spacious showers with plenty of hot water, and secluded outdoor areas for being alone. A good cry can be the most healing thing you can do.
American culture is happy. We are commanded to be happy, and pain and sadness are too quickly labeled “Depression” and supposedly eliminated with drugs. People who are legitimately grieving are often told to feel better, when what they need to do is honor their deep loss with grief.
A dear friend of mine who lost her husband for about 50 years recently told me that now, after two years, she has had the first glimpses of feeling energized and hopeful about the future. He didn’t spend those two years at home, wallowing in his pain. In fact, she carried on with her busy life for as long as she could, surrounded by friends and family. But she grieved: writing poetry and talking to some close friends who could understand. No matter how deep the pain is, if you honor it, there comes a day when the clouds lift and optimism rises again. Human beings are not easy to control. We are resistant and one of the reasons we are resistant is that we can cry.
However, there is a difference between a good cry and wallowing in self-pity. A good cry is purifying and leaves you feeling lighter and better able to cope.
My clients have many different reasons for crying:
• A relationship breakdown
• Loss of a dear friend, relative, partner, or pet
• Recognition of damages caused in the past
• To relieve the pressure of stressful situations
• Relief in discovering that your feelings are normal and healthy.
Crying facts
As people mature, they tend to cry less. As you gain more experience in life, you will be better able to handle the resulting emotions. In youth, everything seems critically important (a slight, a breakup, a bad grade) but with age, you learn that life has its ups and downs, and you are less reactive to them. In addition, with experience, you develop coping skills: positive, such as convincing yourself not to feel bad or talking to good friends and getting support; and the negative ones, like eating, drinking, smoking, all of which help you manage emotions without tears.
Your emotions and your hormones are intrinsically connected. Emotions are hormones. Emotional reactions to events send hormones throughout the body. Crying is the way your body and mind regain balance after a physical or emotional shock. Crying helps you cope with emotionally shocking events and cope with them.
My clients sometimes say that they are afraid to start crying because they won’t stop, but that is not true. I may cry a lot at first; even cry yourself to sleep, but it’s almost impossible for people to hurt something by crying too much. Most people cry very little and end up suppressing sadness, which leads to depression.
In more than 35 years of counseling, I have had clients who cry a lot and those who find it difficult to cry. Those who cry tend to be more resistant and recover faster. The only problem with crying too much is if you sink into self-pity, blame others for what went wrong, and don’t figure out how to handle the problem. Even if you think you’re crying “too often,” it’s probably a good thing. Crying rarely (unless your life is calm all the time) could be a sign of trouble. A good clean cry.
Crying, pain, and depression
When you have had a loss, there are a certain number of tears that you must cry to release. Keep crying is the fastest way. If you tried your best and you know it’s over, don’t waste your time on resentment and anger, it’s self-destructive. Let it go. Grieve, cry, journal, and talk alone or with a trusted friend. Hold a “letting go” ceremony with close friends and say goodbye to whatever you have lost or whoever it is. Save the reminders for a while.
Everyone needs to know how to cry, be sad, overcome difficult events.
Many people, even professionals, misclassify normal emotions, such as pain and discomfort after a relationship problem, as depression. Many drugs have been sold labeling normal emotions “depression”; but it doesn’t help people’s mental health.
Heartbreak is part of real life: the more you love, the more you risk having your heart broken, and the older you get, the more losses you find. You need to know how to cry, recover and recover; it is a healthy human psychological ability. Advice and complaints groups can always be helpful. We live in a social environment that is very uncomfortable with pain, so your friends and family may not be able to give you enough support, so if that’s the case, counseling and groups can be very helpful. .
If you are trying to help someone cope with a loss, don’t try to make the grieving person feel better. It just turns off their pain and makes them feel like their feelings are unwanted. Listen if you can. Be patient with the grieving person. Support them when they cry; it is part of the process.
If you are grieving, find at least one person you can trust, such as a dear friend, relative, clergyman, or therapist. If you can’t find someone to listen to you and support your complaint, find a support group. Most hospitals and hospices have support groups open to anyone who has experienced a loss.
Writing and journaling can help, as can doing something for others. But eventually, you have a certain amount of tears that you have to cry, and the more you let that happen, the better. However, over time, your spirits will start to soar again and you will feel ready to live your life. At that point, the intense part of their duel is over. Grief is as natural as digestion, and if you prevent either from happening, you will be in trouble. If you allow yourself to cry and cry, your will to live will inevitably take over. Grief is like spending the winter. Finally spring comes and things start to bloom and live again. You may feel bad, complain and cry and keep moving towards your goal.