Dating tips for women over 40

It’s safe to say that when you’re over 40, the dating game changes significantly. You are not imagining it. In fact, the challenges of dating women over 40 are so specific that getting good advice is critical to finding love with less heartache, pain, and confusion. (Fact: More than a third of Americans over the age of 40 are single, and more than 25 million of them are women.)

As part of the over-40 dater category, the same dating advice that works for twenty-somethings isn’t always the same advice you’re looking for. This is why:

• As a woman over 40, her main focus isn’t necessarily getting married and having babies. You may have already been married, you may already have babies, or maybe neither is true; but either one might not be a problem.
• The dating game has changed significantly since you dated in your twenties. Sexting. Send text messages. Internet dating. Fast dates. Even pairing. All are viable alternatives in the 21st century. If you don’t know how to use these tools or have a belief that only “losers” would use them, you may be sabotaging your success in spectacular ways.
• You’re not sure who to date when you’re 40. Is it appropriate to date men in their 30s? What about feeling like you’re not attracted to men in their 60s, exactly the men who may be chasing you the most online? Is it imperative to find someone exactly your age who can recite lines from Gilligan’s Island alongside you?
• What are the goals of your relationship? Are you looking to get married? You want to have children? Are you simply looking for a serious relationship with Mr. Boyfriend Material?

Whatever your concerns, here are the keys to our advice for women over 40 in three short but sweet tips!

1. Use your dating experience appropriately.

Whether you’ve recently been through a messy divorce or have had several long-term relationships and are ready for a relationship, you probably have some (if not a lot) of dating experience. As a person who is over 40, you want to make sure you don’t “leak” any of this energy or knowledge, negative or otherwise, into any new relationships you find yourself in.

It’s okay to remember things you’ve learned in past relationships, but it might be a good idea to check with a dating coach to make sure you’re bringing the right things with you! Avoiding making assumptions like “It happened before and therefore it must happen again” can affect all of your dating if you’re not armed with a clean slate before you jump into the dating pool.

2. Get out there.

Have your friends encouraged you to join that online dating site? Well guess what? One in four people who are in a committed or married relationship met their loved one on an online dating site.

Remember that there are tons of good men ready for a relationship who will be interested in you, but you need to meet them first! Joining a Meetup, starting a new workout routine, or creating a profile on an online dating site are really great ways to meet great men. Hang out at a bar every Saturday night? Not so good, so stay active online and offline.

3. Be honest about what you’re looking for.

Hopefully, you won’t find yourself saying things like “There aren’t any good guys out there.” But if you find yourself going that way, head in the opposite direction immediately. There are so many cool guys out there!

Because of the multitude of amazing men waiting to meet you, don’t commit yourself to someone you think is “almost good enough.” If someone is not meeting your needs and you have openly communicated what those healthy needs are, move on.

On the other end of the spectrum, having a list of the things you look for in a man is great. But make sure you don’t cross people off your potential list because they’re missing something like “dresses nice all the time” or “cooks like a gourmet chef.” Ultimately, getting stuck in the “lack” mentality will keep you feeling powerless and stuck.

Remember, once you feel confident and know that you are worthy of an amazing man, amazing men will be attracted to you. Paradoxically, when you think you have to settle, you attract men who you feel are “good enough.” Break out of this vicious cycle and dig deep to find your “inner awesome” so you can get exactly what you want out of love in your forties.

The most important advice for women over 40 is this: remember to have fun. You know what you want, you know yourself and you know what you are looking for in a partner.