Diary of a Touring Musician: Wedding Bell Blues
Life as a traveling musician can be very hard on any type of romantic relationship. Fortunately for me, my husband John and I work together. This does not mean that we are free from conflict and annoyance, but we do manage to sidestep many of the problems associated with leaving an important person at home.
Sometimes, however, the significant other simply cannot be appeased. One of our old drummers, Ken, had a girlfriend who was constantly miserable; she was angry when he went on a trip without her, and constantly complained about everything when she arrived. Ken finally had enough and broke up with her.
At around the same time, he began talking to Sylvia, whom he knew from her “real” job. They hit it off right away, and while we were on tour he was constantly texting and talking. He said that he had finally found someone who would support his dream of being a working musician and that he was happier to have seen it.
I had known Ken for many years and had worked with him on a few previous projects. He had been with my current band for over three years and I felt that we all had a strong “family” bond. After he and his new girl had been dating for a few weeks, he asked her to go on tour with us. He seemed happy to join our little adventure, and it all worked out. Two weeks later we went running more, starting with a week in Cheyenne, Wyoming, several days in mescalero, New Mexico, then a dead run straight to Bismark, North Dakota for a week. Sylvia seemed to be having a good time, and she even took the stage with the band to dance and sing some choruses.
Just before we left Wyoming, Ken announced that they were getting married in New Mexico. The concert in New Mexico is one of the few concerts that doesn’t include lodging, so to save money, we all agreed to share a room. This was a bit of an inconvenience, especially for honeymooners, but we made the most of it. They decided to get married Sunday morning before we left for North Dakota. With the help of some local relatives, the happy couple located a pastor and the wedding ceremony was a pleasant and easy success. Even though we had a very long trip ahead of us and needed to be in Bismark on Tuesday night, we decided to stay in New Mexico for one more night in separate rooms so they could have a proper wedding night.
The next morning, we loaded up and hit the road. The newlyweds were traveling in their own vehicle, so we told them “see you in Bismark” and said our goodbyes. Everyone survived the grueling journey and we settled into the band room. The band room was basically a motel room with a large extra bedroom attached to it. To get in and out of the room, my family had to constantly go through the newlyweds area, and there seemed to be a growing tension in the air that was getting worse by the day.
The day after we arrived in Bismark, our reservations agent called to see if we could go to Minot, North Dakota, for the next week, and then to Montana for a week. This is often how we work. Everyone connected to the band agreed to do the shows, so we “signed” the contract (electronically). We were now legally bound to appearances. Minot is only a two-hour drive from Bismark, but we were having some tire issues on our truck. We told Ken that we were going to stop and buy some tires before going up. Since we had another two weeks of work lined up, we spent most of our cash on tires, oil, and other vehicle necessities.
After a couple of hours, we were on our way. About halfway through our destination, I received a text from Sylvia saying that the newlyweds weren’t going to Minot, but were heading home. My family and I were in a very difficult situation; we spent our cash on our truck and had no gas money to get home to Utah (800 miles away). We were also under contract, so not showing up to the concerts would have meant a lawsuit and job loss. I immediately called some good friends at Minot, who were musicians. Gary had played electric guitar onstage with us at Minot before, and his wife Julie happened to be a drummer!
They saved us from a horrible fate, and the week-long concert was great. They couldn’t continue the tour so I called another drummer from Salt Lake City, Utah to join us in Montana for our next show, he turned out to be a great asset and decided to stay as a permanent member of the band. Although I’m glad we ended the tour well, I’m still very sad to lose our friendship with Ken, and we haven’t heard from him or Sylvia since.