How to make sure a woman calls you back

If I see an article of mine on how to get a woman’s phone number, I’m going to punch someone in the face. Really; it won’t be the writer, just the next person you see. POW! I’ll punch them in the face. . . then run away very fast.

When it comes to getting a woman’s number, I’ve seen it all, from asking, “write your email, oh, and while you’re at it, put your number in there too” (she knows what you’re doing) to literally demanding the number if she doesn’t give it to you. Then there’s the inevitable debate about when it’s too early to call and when it’s too late; the standard is to wait three to five days. There are dozens of articles and discussions on how to get digits and when to call; none on how to make sure he calls you back, mainly because the experts don’t have an answer. Getting digits doesn’t mean squatting. How many times have women not called back? Looking for a number or a date? I want a date; therefore, I need you to call me back. So, I don’t worry about getting digits.

I just care about the conversation, listening to it and responding, inserting flirty comments when there’s an opening. If I’m still interested, I pick something up in the conversation and ask her out with it. For example, she might have mentioned that she hasn’t been to a basketball game in a long time or that she wants to visit a new Italian restaurant. I suggest we go: “You know that restaurant sounds great. Let’s go check it out. How about next week?” or “I haven’t been to a basketball game in a long time either; you know, I think the Bulls are in town next week, we’re going to a game. What’s your number? I’ll check the schedule and call you.” .” (I live in Chicago.) The typical response is, “Oh yeah, I think I can do that; I need to check my schedule first.”

I get the digits and continue the conversation. Why? Because I enjoy your company and because I come off as a hit and run driver if I run immediately after I get your digits. Also, you may very well get more than just digits. If I realize that nothing is going to happen that night, or that I don’t want anything to happen, yet; A little later in the conversation, I end it, tell her it was nice meeting her, and remind her that I’ll call her about the game or the restaurant or whatever. I have achieved a few things:

One, I have shown him that I am paying attention to him. Many men focus too much on her game and not enough on the woman. In fact, a lot of guys aren’t really comfortable around women; they are comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. Women notice this and one of their biggest complaints is that men don’t pay attention to them, more commonly said as “men don’t have a clue.” Two, I have made myself memorable. Who knows how many guys she’ll meet the night I met her or between that night and the time I call her? I need to stand out. Third, I’ve created a reason to call that involves a deadline; I don’t have to worry about calling too soon and how she might interpret that because I have a clear reason. Fourth, I have pretty much guaranteed that she will call me back because at least there is a very good chance that she will feel compelled to call and cancel our tentative date. The bigger the first date I suggest, the more likely she is to feel compelled to call me to cancel. I have suggested expensive theater, concerts and the symphony as a first date; too much, but that’s where the conversation went. Fifth, I have come out showing a lot of confidence, which women tend to prefer. Finally, with your return call, I have a chance to reconnect, which is what I’m really looking for.

I use this practice a lot. It’s been at least four years since a woman hasn’t called me back. When she calls me back and we reconnect, the result is usually that I suggest a simpler date, like a drink or dinner. I won’t pretend I’ve always got the date; I haven’t. However, I get the date about eighty percent of the time. Those are not bad numbers: 100% return calls and 80% dates of those calls. Like anything else, it takes practice. If you suggest something big like the symphony incorrectly, you’ll come across as desperate, so start small. (My background is stand-up comedy; believe me, timing and delivery are much more important than the actual material.) If he talks about the symphony, for example, ask him if he likes other music; suggest an open mic night at a coffee shop or something similar in response.

This technique is not based on women or manipulation; it is based on their being human and common courtesy. If, as a guy, I find you tonight playing darts or something and you mention that you’re a big Red Sox fan, and I tell you I have a friend who might have a couple extra tickets to next Thursday’s game and I’m asking if you’re interested, I got his number and told him I’d call him when I’m sure either way, wouldn’t he be expecting a call? Wouldn’t you return my call to decline or accept the tickets? One of the best things I learned was to treat a woman I liked as little as possible as a woman and as much as possible as an average person I met. The more I like the woman, the more difficult it is to do it; but, the more I love her, it is precisely when the most important thing for me is not to treat her differently.

Stop concentrating on your game and getting digits; instead, focus on listening, responding, and getting a date. You’re not in a race to get her number or to move on to the next woman, at least you shouldn’t be; get comfortable with women, not with your “game”.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *