Measure progress in twelve-step recovery

Sometimes I wonder what the source of direction is: a thought, a feeling, an inspiration, or a Higher Power of my understanding. Or they all merge seamlessly into one, in which case God is the directing director. I know that in considering a topic for an Al-Anon meeting I recently chaired, I chose one of their mottos, namely “Progress, Not Perfection,” and that a check of my records revealed that I had selected the same one for the same meeting. which he had directed two years earlier, almost to this day. Coincidence? Maybe or maybe not.

There may be a message in the word “same” and its repeated use, because recovery is not about staying the same, but, as the catchphrase suggests, “progress”, and perhaps my subconscious or higher consciousness, called “God”, wished to once again measure mine.

Slow, gradual, subtle and hardly measurable on a day-to-day basis, it certainly has been. However, like climbing a mountain, it is beneficial to periodically stop at a plateau and assess, as best you can, how far you have climbed.

Like an adult child who grew up—perhaps “endured” is the best term and perhaps “survived” is the best of all—with a paraalcoholic who exhibited all the unstable and abusive characteristics of the drunk without the liquid being pointed at him. As a result, I have often considered twelve-step recovery to be against the grain of my personality for three important reasons.

First of all, I am prolific and obsessive. I am impatient with tasks and endeavors that take a long time to complete. In terms of recovery, there may not necessarily be any end to the line to cross. Instead, it is characterized by clarity, understanding, relief, sanity, and a higher power that draws from the quicksand of life.

Second, perfectionism, one of the survival traits of the adult child, is the embodiment of my personality, and I find nothing “perfect” in a process that can never truly be completed without a definitive method to determine that completion.

Finally, there is frustration, mixed with injustice, at the fact that I have a disease that generally requires the consumption of alcohol, yet based on the detrimental effects it has had on me and many good friends, I refuse to touch and I almost feel elevated. the word that identifies him to a level of blasphemy. In short, I never drank, but I still suffer from the disease. The frustration, in hindsight, may be too slight to explain my feelings about this fact.

“Progress can be difficult to recognize, especially if our expectations are set too high,” counsels Al-Anon’s “Courage to Change” (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 72). “If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behaviors to change quickly and completely, we are likely to be disappointed. Progress is hard to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our current circumstances only with the ones we have.” It had been in the past.”

Could this be the reason for my “coincidentally” chosen topic?

However, this, in essence, is my approach. There are ways to measure the healing of physical illness, but the dysfunction and dysregulation created by the alcoholic or paraalcoholic involves the body, mind, and soul, and while I am on my current plateau, I can only measure my progress through feelings. , fears. behaviors, intentions, esteem and beliefs. The more the obstacles of the disease have been reduced, the easier my life has become.

My confidence and self-esteem have increased. So does my trust in others. I have a greater sense of inner strength and stability. I feel less hurt or offended by what others do and say, realizing that if their negative comments and transgressions are coming from them, then they must be on them in the first place and therefore have nothing to do with me or anything to do with me. with my self esteem. I have also become more and more social and connected, no longer restricted by traumas, defenses and hesitations. Finally, I feel a greater sense of sanity, wholeness, and connection to my Higher Power.

Perfection? Maybe not. But, again, how do you define that concept and who is in charge of determining if this objective has been achieved?

Adversity, though never welcome, grinds and refines the soul. Growth and learning are the result of taking risks and being tested and challenged. Have I experienced all of this, I wonder, as I look down from my current plateau? I think so. Is it perfection, I wonder, as I begin my climb again? It never will be until I reach the top, or my return to my Creator.

article sources

“Courage to change”. Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.