See conflict as an opportunity – Peaceful Wisdom

When tragedy strikes, it is a normal response to ask where is God in this? Possibly the most common tragedy in life is the travesty of the heart that people experience when in conflict. But, as we have learned through the resurrection of grievance, conflict is also an opportunity too good to pass up.

My wife and I have embarked on a journey with the peacekeeping organization, PeaceWise. And recently I was invited to become a peacemaking wisdom trainer as part of the national PeaceWise team.

Pacification challenges the way we see results. View relationship as primary and results as secondary, since from a leadership standpoint, people care about results only when they know we care about them.

Peacemaking is a challenge to the way we see ‘results’.

They don’t all mean what we would say they mean. When we hear someone say something or read their words, we do so through our own filters, not realizing that our perception and their intent are two completely different things. We assume we know, when it is always wise to check.

They don’t all mean what we would say they mean.

The causes of conflict are predictable misunderstandings, our different values ​​and interests, and competition for resources, poor relationship skills, and our sinful attitudes and desires (see James 4:1-2).

The closer we get to someone, the more likely it is that the conflict will break our collaboration.

If we are honest, our goals in conflict are not to see it as an opportunity to glorify God, serve others, and grow to be more like Christ. Our honest goals, revealing the idols of our hearts, are 1) conquest – how can I win? and/or 2) comfort: how can I get over this quickly and easily?

When we put results second in our relationships, we can know the Father better.

Conflict is a discipleship growth tool. We are shaped by conflict. Growth hurts.

Every minute is valuable from the context of discipleship.

Questions that make us grow:

• How can I live this conflict and make God known?
• How do I hurt and serve those who make me feel uncomfortable?
• What is God doing at this ‘bad’ or uncomfortable time?
• Can we contemplate an approach that says, ‘Even if you kill me, I will die loving you’? – this does not refer to the actual practice of murder nor condone any form of violence.

Faith is about staying and depending, about living in a disconcertingly different way.

There is more potential to become more like Jesus in the terrible moment than in the wonderful moment.

The natural path of conflict is not restoration but destruction. We must become a tenacious community for peace.

When we put results second to relationship it is an opportunity to get to know our Father better.

There’s no use pretending it didn’t happen, no matter how small.

Assisted peacemaking (mediation, adjudication, accountability) requires the trust of those whom these processes serve.

Making peace is less about being right than it is about being in a relationship.

To bring peace to the realm of conflict we must start with God.

We may not normally see behavior as a material problem, but behavior can be a material problem.

Overlooking an offense is not always about denial or running away. The key test is: ‘Am I concerned about this matter?’ If our minds are not preoccupied, the matter is probably something we can overlook.

Jesus calls us to be wheat among the tares, so let’s be as ‘wheaty’ as we can.

It must be my modus operandi to strive to understand and hurt those who are not like me.

Conflict invites us to move from comfort and conquest to Christ. Conflict makes us uncomfortable or blocks our conquest, but neither of these is as important as making God known.

In conflict, we must address the tension involved in the fear of hurting the other person while dealing with the problem redemptively.

Abusive people build vulnerability.

Will we insist on eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or will we partake of the tree of life? The former insists on good and evil, while the latter seeks life and abundance of life in relationships. The first is a small vision, the second is a vision of the size of the universe.

When the person with whom we are in conflict offers us solidarity, he is inviting us to get to know him better, and his generosity is a blessing, and a win-win situation is coming.

Wisely operating people partake of the tree of life and exemplify generosity of spirit.

Forgiveness is an invitation to the deeper revelation of the Father. Forgiveness always leads to a deeper place in the Father. This is because forgiveness requires more of us than we initially contemplate.

The deepest wisdom of conflict as there is always something more important than conflict. The conflict is merely symptomatic of a deeper cause, and the wise discern the need to understand.

In conflict we must learn to say: ‘I need more trust, more hope, more generosity, more faith.’

If my good desire is not satisfied, I am tempted to demand that it be satisfied, and if my demand is not satisfied, I start operating from the attitude of judgment, and very soon my behavior punishes the person who has not satisfied the desire. good wish that has become demand. This is the progression of an idol.

With the people with whom we are in conflict, we have a backpack of stones, and each disagreement is likened to a stone. With each genuine apology received, there is no need to throw a corresponding stone. It is removed from the backpack because it calms down. But without a genuine apology, those stones are put away just in case.

A good apology represents me well, to the point that the person being apologized to can see me. A new beginning opens for the relationship.

When it comes to apologies, God already knows and has already paid for it. It doesn’t get any safer than that, so keep going. Be generous. Make the apology. Do it.

Asking for someone’s forgiveness puts us in a position of vulnerability, which is always an investment in the relationship.

In conflict, we must learn to remind ourselves that, ‘If I knew everything they know, I would respond to this differently.’

Very often the most important thing a person says in a stressful situation is the last thing they say, which is also the hardest thing to say, which explains why it is the last thing they say. It is necessary to allow enough silence to allow the difficult to be said.

Telling the truth in love is about telling the truth in a way that they know I love them.

The interests that support the issue and the positions that people take are the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’. We can’t figure out the ‘what’ until we understand the ‘why’. Negotiators must know this.

The Kingdom of God is not about generous forgiveness for me and stingy forgiveness for you. It’s all generous forgiveness.

We are not called to forgive and forget. We must forgive but we cannot forget.

Forgiveness means I have no more resentment.

It does not mean that it allows more abuse.

Forgiveness is about reaching out to others who are fallen like us. We are not better than them.

To forgive generously you enter into the Great Forgiveness.

The Great Forgiveness is God’s forgiveness.

The ‘replacement principle’ of Philippians 4:8 is the secret of all success in the land of virtue.

Suffering people don’t want to talk to people they don’t trust.

When all else fails, we need to recalibrate our love, lower our standards of love, so that we can just love.

Thanks to Steve Frost, a peacemaking guru I have been fortunate to work with.