Submissive husbands – They are no longer myths
I am not sexist. In fact, I am a subordinate husband. To prove it, we follow a matriarchal system at home. Most of my friends are women. And I watch the lifestyle channel. If I don’t get any more feminist than that, then I’d buy myself a leash and tie myself to a nearby pole.
Even as a child, I have been an advocate for feminism. I know how a woman’s psyche works. I know for a fact that most women need constant attention and that they like it better when men play harmless games or are hesitant to make advances on them. A woman likes her man to be passionate about cooking and knitting (not that I dig and crochet) and reading books. Unfortunately, reality hit me when one day I woke up to the harsh truth that I had let women take complete control. All my indulgence and generosity began to fail.
There is a school of thought in my family that describes exactly how I have treated all the women in my life. I had to rephrase it because I had forgotten the exact saying, word for word. But the thought goes something like this: “Take the plow from the beast once and spend the rest of your life doing all the chores for him.” I cringed at how the metaphor was used to describe women in relationships. The idea that my mother and sisters would have to “carry the plow” for the rest of their lives (or just from the moment they were married) irritated me more. So I promised not to treat women like trash.
When I watch the news and see husbands go to jail for beating their wives to death, my normal reaction would be to nod my head as a sign of my affirmation of the punishment they received. I guess God had designed men to be physically stronger than women because men can contain their emotions (this could explain why most victims of heart-related deaths are men). But sometimes women can be man’s worst nemesis. If men use brute force to channel their anger, women’s techniques to express their anger are more artificial, well planned and mentally, emotionally affective. Someone could get hurt by a hard knuckle sandwich, but when a woman starts talking (or goes quiet as part of the cold treatment) she just breaks a man’s heart. I don’t know if the men I see are generally violent, but I know for a fact that when men begin to unleash their hidden forces, it must have been provoked to the point where the heart and mind couldn’t take it anymore. Not all men are idiots. Some say that for the success of every man is a woman who works behind the scenes, I still believe in that. But I hope that if a woman were to read this article, she would also think that it is possible that, for the transgressions and misgivings of all men, she, too, was to blame.
Sure signs your girlfriend/fiancée is She-Hitler waiting to happen:
1. She never apologizes. Sometimes it is natural for couples to have fights from time to time. But the best side of this is that they can make up after a fight. If your girlfriend or fiancée refuses to settle for admitting her faults or has gotten used to hearing you say “sorry” first or seeing you walk away from the confrontation. To be alert. A woman who behaves like this even during the premarital stages of her relationship is likely to be more assertive of her right to be right all the time once she has decided to marry.
2. She hates your family or your family hates her. A woman who is hated by your family or who hates your family is a woman who assumes that she is on a different level in terms of values and priorities. Such a woman may feel that she knows better when it comes to social courtesies and matters involving strong moral issues. A person who grew up in a family that is too lenient or with rules that are too strict is probably a person who will raise a family the same way.
3. She thinks she knows better. A woman who values her opinion more than others, she will most likely be the person in charge of the entire household. This type of person is usually very controlling and totally perfectionistic. “You can’t say this.” “You can not do that”. “You can’t talk to this person.” “You can’t be with that person.” “Where’s my remote?” “What took you so long?” “Why did you do that in front of the help?” “What are you wearing?” “Why is your father like this?” are some examples of a long list of derogatory comments that this person can make.
4. He is immune to his own rules. When my wife told me that she wasn’t supposed to treat the helper with respect and courtesy, I thought she was somehow right. I also thought that maybe she was right to tell me not to contradict her in front of help, but when I made a minor slip once, she berated me into full submission. Guess where? In front of the whole house! (neighbors included).
Possible solutions to the problem of the Like:
1. Tell him about it. The possibility of telling women of such caliber is nil. But still, there is a small window of luck that you could reason with her. If she listens, great. If she starts bombarding you with outright accusations and denials, try step two.
2. Assert yourself. Come up a bit. Turn up the volume on your voice and be serious about making sure you get the message across. If you submit to this kind of treatment, you may be caught off guard. There is a possibility that he is beginning to consider your point-by-point explanations. If this ends with her raising her voice a decibel higher than your voice, continue to step 3.
3. Get outside help. I said “outside” help and not “professional”. There is a big difference. Professional help will appear in the last part of this article. When you get help, make sure this person is someone who means a lot to both of you, someone whose opinion you will respect and value. He/She does not need to be older. The important thing is that you really know that that person only seeks your well-being as a couple and not as individual people trying to favor one of them.
4. Seek the advice of professional people. Professionals include life coaches, psychologists, men and women of faith, support groups, therapists, etc. It goes without saying that not all professionals will do the advice for free. Chances are your approach will be effective, but only up to a point. Therapists are not on call 24/7. What if sudden outbursts happen suddenly in the middle of the night? If therapy doesn’t work, seek a second, third, and even fourth opinion. If this still doesn’t work, continue to the last and most critical step.
5. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP while you can! This part is fundamental because it changes lives. It will not only affect the person who opts for absolute separation, it will also affect the person who stays, not to mention the people involved in your life as a couple. Since you’ve done everything you can to save your relationship, people will eventually understand that you had no recourse other than step 5. Remember: you’re far from toast because you’re not married yet. But should such qualities be discovered within the marriage, the best thing to do is not to seek advice other than legal advice.
If you made it to step 5 and still end up single, remember that you have nothing to regret. There is virtue in fidelity, but at the end of the day, what really matters is how to get the best out of each other. If you have failed in this regard, it would be best to separate. Then strive to be the best person you can be, only this time, on your own.