Understanding and dealing with teen angst
By far, adolescence is the most turbulent period in an individual’s life. Most of us wish we could erase the memory of those awkward years; asocial behavior and sometimes curmudgeon; of the pain and bewilderment caused to our parents.
The transition period, when one is neither a child nor an adult, can be frightening for the adolescent and those closest to him. Overnight, parents, teachers and authorities are seen as enemies. Conversations become monosyllabic. Closed doors eloquently demand privacy. Dressing weird becomes fashionable. The parents are baffled by this stranger in their midst.
There is comfort, however, in that adolescent behavior is merely a passing phase, a milestone on the road to maturity. A better understanding of what is involved will save parents a lot of heartache. It should not be confused with Juvenile Delinquency, which is a criminal or antisocial activity committed by young people, who probably suffer from a personality disorder or who grow up in a pathological family environment.
Teens demand a measure of freedom, but want the security that a home provides. They want to be treated like adults even though they have not yet developed basic human relationship skills, and often end up angry with themselves and those who expose their naivety. ‘Nobody listens to me and nobody cares’ is the feeling that plays in their minds and makes them lonely. Sometimes they seek security in peer groups and identify with members in dress and behavior.
Why do teenagers behave the way they do?
o The change of body, the sudden growth, the specific changes of the sex give them the feeling of being totally out of control. Daniel WA says, ‘A teenager is like a house on moving day.’ Obesity or acne can increase her distress. They imagine that they are being persecuted.
o Adolescent brains are still developing. Through extensive studies of the brain, scientists have concluded that brain development between the ages of 10 and 25 is crucial. Once again, there is no uniform development here, and different parts develop at different times. Although the brain is adult-sized by the age of seven, the gray matter that controls executive functions develops slowly in adolescence. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for coordinating the functions of judgment, reasoning, emotions, and behavior, is the last to mature. As a result, adolescents find it difficult to make sound decisions. They act rashly without considering the consequences. They jump to the wrong conclusions and take offense at innocent comments made by parents or other adults. In short, they are unable to control their emotions.
o The other disruptive behavior is the disruption of adolescent sleep patterns. They like to sleep until the wee hours of the morning and are reluctant to get out of bed. Parents see this as a form of rebellion and brand them as lazy and uncooperative. The change in sleep patterns is important because while they sleep, growth and sexual maturation hormones are released into the bloodstream. The circadian rhythm of the brain is altered to facilitate this process. Therefore, teenagers are early risers. They perk up at night and are wide awake when others want to sleep. They don’t think about turning on their music systems at night, or sitting at their computers until the wee hours of the morning. Parents who are aware of this change will encourage their teens to slow down their evening activities, avoid stimulants like caffeine, and limit late-night Internet use.
Inside the brain is a ring-shaped area called the limbic area that generates primary emotions of fear, anger, and rage. The prefrontal area is what keeps emotions in check. But since it is not fully developed in adolescence, the limbic area asserts itself. This is the reason why teenagers behave impulsively. Sex hormones that act on the limbic area increase aggressiveness and irritability. Serotonin secretion falls.
As psychologist David Elkin says, “Teenagers believe in their own personal fable: Nothing will happen to me. It only happens to other people.”
Parents and teachers will be more tolerant of rude or antisocial behavior if they are aware of these physiological changes.
Ways teens show their independence:-
1. They cultivate unhealthy habits such as smoking, drinking or experimenting with drugs because they are unable to make sound judgments or do not know how to assess the damage that these habits can cause. Instant gratification is all that matters. The peer pressure gods give them.
2. They are more prone to accidents as they indulge in drunk driving, speeding, drag racing and being distracted on the highways. Death, suicide, and homicide rates are highest among adolescents.
3. Anxiety, eating disorders, schizophrenia, and substance abuse can develop in adolescence. The sooner treatment is started, the better the chances of recovery.
4. Girls like to behave like tom boys. Or they may suddenly realize their sexual power. They are interested in beauty aids and strange fashions. Or they may develop anorexia nervosa with the idea of keeping their bodies “like willows”.
5. Because sex hormones are overactive, they fall into love traps. Rape, teasing, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases can lead to serious problems. Possessiveness in children can lead to controlling behavior or even violence against female friends. Free mixing with the opposite sex, exposure to uncensored media, lack of sex education, or even a permissive family environment will lead them to experiment. In the West, 40% of girls in the 13-15 age group are non-virgins, 15-20% are addicted to pornography, and teenage pregnancies are on the rise like never before.
6. Adolescents have a low level of frustration. They are governed by the pleasure principle and seek instant gratification.
7. Many teens find safety in groups. They prefer to be with friends than at home. Experimenting with alcohol, drugs or sexual escapades becomes exciting. Absenteeism from school or running away from home are some of the ways in which they show their independence.
8. Sometimes they want to maintain a lifestyle that they cannot afford. So they start robbing or harassing the parents for money.
How to deal with teen angst:-
– Parents need to understand that the rebellion is not personal and that despite their rude behavior, teens love their parents and want the safety of home.
– Understanding why adolescents behave as they do is important. This is just a temporary phase of maybe 2-3 years until they reach adulthood.
– Parents should give their children unconditional love and discipline. Discipline must be constant. Boundaries give children a sense of security. Discipline helps them relate to themselves and mature.
– Parents should lead by example. They should always present a united front to their children. The authority of the parents in the home must be indisputable. The New Age formula of treating children as equals is dangerous. There can be no equality between parents and children. This will only bring negative repercussions. Children begin to think that everything can be negotiated. Parents should insist on good behavior. They must make their adolescent children aware of social violence and teach them sexual propriety and the dangers of unprotected sex.
– There must be openness when discussing serious issues such as good behavior and the misuse of freedom. Topics need to be tactfully introduced so that the adolescent feels confident in discussing his problems, knowing that his parents have his best interests in mind.
– The doors of communication must always be left open. Listening to the adolescent and her problems is the most important component of communication. Some parents try to force their unfulfilled dreams on their children and force them to do what they don’t want. This causes them to rebel.
– Lately, many parents have begun to spy on their children and feel perfectly justified in doing so. They can search their rooms or scan their journals or even sneak up on them to see if they are using drugs, alcohol or misbehaving with the opposite sex. Some parents even employ private detectives. There is a chance that this could backfire and permanently damage the parent-child relationship. John Stott believes that “loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than espionage.”
– Socializing with peer groups can be healthy and harmless. Teens need to exchange information and share experiences, and know that there are others going through similar changes. However, parents should be aware of the type of friends they associate with and the activities they engage in so as not to abuse their freedom.
Adolescence is a difficult stage in an individual’s life. Due to various changes – physical, emotional, sexual – there is a growing fear of the unknown. Teenagers need our encouragement and empathy.