What does it mean to be sexually assertive?

Have you ever experienced the situation where you wanted to have sex but you weren’t sure if she was in the mood? Have you ever been in a situation where, at some point in the night, she signals to you that she “she’s on,” but then when the time comes, she turns cold? Are you frustrated because you are not sure how to turn the heating back on?

Let me share with you an idea that you can try to bring that warmth back and put her in a good mood.

Learning to be sexually assertive is a very big challenge for many men, because it doesn’t come naturally.

In reality, most men can be very shy about broaching this issue, even men who are very outgoing when talking to women in other situations. Even men in relationships can find it intimidating to be sexually assertive with the women in their life.

A big part of the problem is the fear of rejection or humiliation. What could be worse than acting like Casanova, only getting rejected?

What do you mean by sexual assertiveness? Let’s clarify the confusion that some men have about it. Sexual assertiveness is not sexually “arrogant,” it is not sexually “pushy,” and it is not sexually “aggressive” or “demanding.” In other words, it’s not being a total jerk who goes after what he wants no matter how she feels.

So what exactly is sexually assertive and how do you make it work for you? In fact, this is the opposite of sexual intent, which is what most men are doing by nature.

Here are two examples: one verbal and one physical to show you the difference between “assertive” and “tentative” and why the former turns women on, while the latter turns them off.

Suppose you are sitting with your arm around her, you feel horny and you want to have sex. You could ask him in many ways. You could jokingly say it with a funny expression on your face and say “you wanna do it babe?”

You could deliver the same message in a way as if you weren’t sure or bored and maybe “doing it” could be a fun idea. You will almost certainly shrug and reply, “I’m not in the mood” or “I don’t know.”

Because no woman wants to have sex with a man who sends mixed signals that could mean he’s interested or just wants to do something to kill some time. Even if she was in the mood, you could kill him by asking it like this.

From these 2 examples, you can see that your woman takes her emotional cue from you. If you’re making it fun, she’ll think it’s fun. If you are indifferent, she will feel indifferent. Her emotions will generally follow the man’s.

The guy who tried sexually will ask the question, hoping she will say yes, but deep down he is not confident in his own sexual attractiveness and is half sure she will say no. he may ask it in a half-hearted manner and is hesitant to make eye contact. He may even do it half jokingly because he doesn’t dare give his all completely. In case of rejection, he can save his ego by saying that he is only kidding.

In her eyes, this guy doesn’t even have the guts to clearly express what he wants. Reacting to her confusing and tasteless behavior, she will snap out of the situation and choose to believe that it is a joke that the guy regrets he didn’t mean it. Her “excuse” of hers becomes her excuse. Her emotion (her intent) triggers an emotion in the woman (revulsion).

On the other hand, a sexually assertive guy will ask the question in a way that is more of a statement than a question. He is comfortable with her desire and is sure that she will enjoy it too. She will look him straight in the eye and get close enough to make him feel the warmth of her desire because he is comfortable with her desire. He’s confident that he can turn her on when he says softly but firmly, “Come on, baby.”

Guess what, if you do this correctly, what will she say?

She will be speechless, she will stare at you, her pupils dilated, her skin reddened and her mouth half-open waiting for your kiss. A big part of this isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it. This is largely determined by the emotional state of her mind as she delivers her message.

Women are extremely sensitive to this “subtle undercurrent” and body language, and can sense it when you possess the confident thoughts of a sexually assertive man. If he has deep doubts, she will hear it in the unsteadiness of her voice, in trying to feel her touch, or in the way he is afraid to make eye contact with her.

Now, let’s go to the second example: a purely physical approach.

You sit next to her with your arm around her in a calm, confident and gentle way, not sexually “aggressive” or “overbearing”, but still assertive about what you want. You could stroke hers her hair or brush away hers from hers her eyes, you could run the back of your hand across her cheek or caress her face and lips with your fingertips.

You know how much girls love to be touched and how much they love having a man’s hands on them. You never let her escape the intensity of your gaze. You approach her with your whole body because you are not ashamed of your own sexual desire. You approach her, you stop for a moment and, without saying anything, you start kissing her passionately. The good thing here is that the act of kissing itself is sexually assertive enough.

In general, women have a lot of respect for men who behave in this way. Most women will tell you that they prefer a man to kiss them without saying anything. Of course, this is not applicable when she doesn’t know you well and she hasn’t decided if you are her perfect man.

On the other hand, you can go for this intent approach. You move a little closer to her slowly, but you’re not sure if it’s the right time. Not daring to meet her eyes, you tilt your head forward keeping the rest of your body as far away from her as possible so she doesn’t “get the wrong idea” and think you’re not a “gentleman” and then you plant a slight kiss on the cheek. This may work at first, but in a relationship, an attempted kiss gets boring very quickly and won’t lead to action in the bedroom.